As I wrote in the ‘About‘ section of my blog, I’m hoping this is a place for me to get my thoughts out and help others on our journeys to figuring out this crazy thing called life. Whether it’s trying to have a stronger relationship with my friends, family and myself, or learning how to de-stress and de-clutter my own brain, I’m actively trying to better myself.
One of the things I definitely have to get a better handle on is my emotional response to certain situations. I take a lot of things personally because a lot of the things I do are often lead with passion. It definitely hits me hard when certain things happen or don’t happen the way I envision them. I’ve had to tell myself many times that things are not usually personal, in order to change my response to them.
Here are a few tips I’ve been able to employ in my own life in order to make sure I don’t freak tf out when it comes to my emotional responses.
Let things go: Not everything has to encapsulate your thoughts, especially if it no longer serves you. If you’re still hung up on something that happened three months ago, and it’s not impacted your life, just your thoughts…let that shit go. If you’re holding a grudge about something that happened eight years ago, and the person you’re holding a grudge about has no idea that you’re resentful of them or why you’re resentful of them- let. that. shit. go. For the love of all that is holy.
Get over it. Once you stop letting a person or situation have power over you, you’re reclaiming your power, and are no longer a prisoner to it. You’ll breathe easier at night, you’ll try to mend and pick up the pieces, and odds are you’ll have a really amazing, stress-free BM, and we all love having those.
Think before acting: I have struggled with this a lot throughout my entire life because, news flash: words hurt people sometimes. I am a firecracker who is truthful about 99.9 percent of my thoughts, so most of the time, I say things that people don’t agree with or don’t enjoy how I’ve said it. It sucks, but I’m cognizant of it. I’ve been trying to not blow up about certain things in order to save my sanity and not jeopardize the person’s feelings.
In order to accomplish this, I’ve been taking time out to craft responses that are mature rather than flippant and irrational in conduct. If I get an annoying or frustrating text message, I don’t respond to it for quite some time in order to get my emotions back in order so I can respond when I’ve relaxed, or I delete it entirely from my messages because I don’t want to have the stress sitting there. If someone tries to bother me on social media, I don’t respond because you don’t feed trolls. My relationships with the people I consider friends and family are very important to me, and I don’t want my reactions to ruin that.
Set realistic expectations of others: One of the realest things I’ve ever read, and something I’ve finally begun to understand, is that not everyone has the same heart as you. This also goes with ways of thinking, but I guess that’s what makes us all so special. I’ve had to make sure I’ve understood people, friends and family first, and after knowing how each person can be, it’s helped me control how I respond to certain things and how I approach certain situations.
For example, I taught a dance class (I am a pretty heavy dancer), and opened it up to anyone who was interested. I thought people would turn up since the last time I taught, I had a decent turnout. This time, three people showed up. Then I did a virtual dance challenge recently during quarantine. No one I tagged participated. I was very upset at the dance class because I spent money to book a room (the dance challenge I couldn’t care less), but I knew that it would be the last time I’d try to share my gift with others in that way. Sure, life is busy, but now I know that I probably won’t be dancing for anyone but myself (a really deep metaphor right there).
Sometimes, you have to stop doing things with other people in mind if they’re not keeping you in theirs, and that’s something I’ve had take with me for a few years now. Not everyone will show up for you, not everyone will put in effort, and that has nothing to do with you. Don’t get upset, just keep doing you.