I was in a longterm relationship, four years to be exact, but it could have ended around the two-year mark if we’re being totally honest. We started losing steam then, and as much as I tried to make him happy, nothing worked. Come to find out a year after we broke up, and three years after it happened, that there was unfaithfulness, and he was hiding that and retreating like a turtle in his shell all that time because of it.
I felt like I’d wasted so much of my time crying over him for the entire year we weren’t together and I didn’t know, but I decided that it was best to move on from the situation. End result? My hair grew. My skin was fxxking GLOWING, and I gained a few pounds of “I-don’t-have-to-worry-about-that-boy-anymore” weight. I started dating again, and was able to start discovering my do’s and don’ts when it comes to lu– lov– *retches*–um– *coughs INTO MY SLEEVE*– love.
Fast forward to this hellfire of a year–– nearly three years after we’ve broken up–– and he wanted to give it another try, to which I said: No_No_No_Part_2_Destinys_Child.mp3. I had come SO far in my healing that I refused to go through that again. On the other hand, he was still consumed with the guilt all this time, So much, in fact, that he:
-stopped talking to friends that we shared in college because he felt like they weren’t happy with him (which, they weren’t, but you can talk that out with them instead of just dropping them)
-never tried dating again because he hadn’t moved on from the old, three year situation, and felt the same thing would occur/he didn’t deserve love/yadda yadda.
“My guy… just give it up,” is essentially what I said. If I, the one who was wronged, was able to pack up my troubles in my old kit bag and smile, then he should too.
We’re young. We’re going to make mistakes, and we’re going to learn and grow from them. One mistake you made as a teen/early-20s aged person shouldn’t define you… unless it’s deliberate, like hiring someone to do your SATs so you can get into a good college, or falsifying your application to UCLA when you’re just trying to be a beauty YouTuber. Those sadly do define you.
I don’t wish ill on my ex, he was an important part of my life and taught me a lot about myself. However, I do wish he’d move on. While some girls may think “aW bUt He StIlL cArEs!” And? I have grown entirely too much from the situation and in my personal and professional lives to go back to old habits. We’re only looking forward from now on, and by “we’re,” I absolutely mean whoever is reading this.
If you continue to think about what went wrong in your previous relationship, you are never going to grow in your current or future one. That actually works for any situation. You cannot let your fear of what’s to come or what has already happened hinder the joy you should be possessing right now, and the life and mindset you should be adapting to in this current moment. It’s going to hurt you in the long run, and life is meant to be lived.
So yes… get over your ex. Mute them on social media, downloading a dating app or two. Out of sight, out of mind. Once you get the attention from someone else, you will move on, I promise. You know I keep it real on this blog, and I would never steer you wrong.